New commute, Day 116

I will begin teaching at the University of Denver in a couple of weeks. I went down to get an introduction to the school and to figure out where I am going. In all the years I have been prostituting myself as an educator within the University system (11 years) this will be the first time I will commute to Denver. Part of me is excited to be in a new teaching environment with new people to work with and then the other part of me is weary of having to commute 3 hours round trip using public transportation to yet another location to make an even smaller paycheck. AND THEN I remind myself that I have a job, my house is not in foreclosure, and so far I am able to pay all my bills...life is good!

In and out of focus, Day 115

I am teetering on the edge of this transitional point where I absolutely must have faith in all the cliches having to do with life's ups and downs- "When one door closes another will open" or "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade." It's this constant flip flopping mind game of viewing the glass half full or half empty that really has me exhausted. But what really keeps me grounded is taking comfort in the fact that I am not alone in thinking this way. The cure for this mind disease: LOL!

Brain freeze, Day 114

Today Nicolai and I went to our little friend Joey's 4th birthday party. I have been planning on going for a couple of weeks but for some reason I misread the invitation and I thought the party started at 2:00 (when it ended). Fortunately Joey's mom called to ask if I could stop at the store for some things and I said "Sure, see you at 2:00." She then informed me that the party started in 10 minutes. So we made a mad dash out of the house and we made it there about 45 minutes late. It just goes to show where my brain has been lately...not with the program.

Peace and quiet, Day 113

A trip to the Denver Botanic Gardens yielded a stunning feast for all the senses. I am tired after several hours in the sun and chasing after two little boys. It was a lovely way to end a hectic week of teaching and getting back into the swing of things. I often forget what Denver has to offer even though I am so close to the city. I am just not a city girl anymore. I get overwhelmed easily and hate to drive in traffic. I just hope I don't turn into one of those old ladies who won't leave the house and still experience the world around me. In a couple of weeks I will begin commuting two days a week to teach in Denver. Perhaps my two bus rides and one light rail ride (one way) will reacquaint me with city life and I will fall in love with it again. Or it will have the opposite affect and make me want to move to an even smaller town. Only time will tell.

Obscura, Day 112

These circles are projected on the side of my house as the sun moves further west and begins to set in the evening. They are created by the light being filtered through the leaves on the crabapple tree. And although I know these circles are goverened by the laws of physics I prefer to think of it as magic occurring before my eyes. If the openings between the leaves were smaller or tighter they would project images of my yard, the neighborhood, and the sky upside down and backwards onto the side of my house like an image from a camera obscura.

Life cycle, Day 111

The fifth bird I buried in our yard this summer.

Dirt don't hurt, Day 110

My son's feet after a long day of playing.

Steps to take, Day 109

I am back to my everyday life teaching in the classroom at CU Boulder. In my first class today I had my art students make a list of one month, one year, 5 year, and 10 year goals related to making art. They had to list five under each category and then write one step they need to take to make each goal happen. It's a good exercise, especially recognizing the steps. Here is my list:

Within One Month:
-Apply to Morris Graves Museum for solo show...finish and mail application.
-Make piece for show in Oaxaca....photograph.
-Start romance novel mandala...start folding book pages
-Complete boxes for Naropa...get back into the studio.
-Learn how to use my video camera...read owner's manual and shoot.

Within One Year:
-Travel to Colombia for my solo show in August 2010...save $
-Finish book business website...shoot photos, edit, write text
-Create personal website for my art work...find a template and start loading info
-Finish 39+ project...keep photographing everyday, no matter what!
-Have a book commercially published...submit project to publishers

Within Five Years:
-Quit teaching as an adjunct instructor...apply for tenure track jobs.
-Go to Bali and make art, learn language, and travel...Make more $ and save
-Live in Croatia for an extended period of time...Make more $ and save
-Travel to Vietnam and work on my war memorial project...find grants and save $
-Get a grant to produce an artist book edition...research and apply for grants

Within Ten Years:
-Have my 3rd book commercially published...keep making art
-Get a Fulbright and move out of the country...apply
-Get tenure at tenure track job...keep making art
-Make most of my money from my art...keep making art
-Build a home and studio that are completely off grid...find the right piece of land then give $ to husband and son to build it

Dear viewers...

I would love your feedback as I am working on this project. Please feel free to make a comment (critiques are welcome)! Thanks for looking. I know some people are having a difficult time leaving a comment. If this is the case you could email me your comment and I will post it. Please let me know which day you are leaving a comment on. My email address: studio@photo-mia.com

Krishna-cizing, Day 108

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Krishnas' chant the name of God using japa beads which consist of 108 beads on a string to help keep track as they are chanting. This number is also significant because Lord Krishna is known by 108 different names. Tonight we went to the Krishna Temple in Denver for their Sunday service and feast. It's always an experience attending a service because there is such a diverse group of people who attend- devout Krishnas of all ages and races, Indian families, business men in suits, homeless people looking for a free meal, hippies, punks, and curious but uncommitted people that don't fit into any of the above categories like myself. There was a guest speaker tonight from California, whom I have heard speak before. He uses PowerPoint and humor as part of his presentations. His message was about how "you can't polish the cage and not feed the bird inside." Meaning, you can't pay all your attention to the body and not nurture the soul. The messages I tend to hear at the Krishna Temple are usually universal, otherwise I probably wouldn't attend. This one really resonated with me, but then again, they usually do. I am just not willing to chant even one round of "Hare Krisha" (108 times equals one round, and I am told that Krishnas do a minimum of 10 rounds each day) to feed the bird in the cage, but there are other ways I am willing to explore. Perhaps 108 blog posts will help my process...Interesting coincidence!

Eat me, Day 107

We went to the Lafayette Peach Festival today up the street from our house. One of the advantages (or disadvantages) to living in a small historic town is there is always some festival going on. Today there were thousands of people purchasing fresh peaches and peach related foods such as smoothies, cobbler and pie, not to mention the standard turkey legs, snow cones, kettle corn and cotton candy. It was quite an event for our little town, but I always walk away from these events feeling a little unsatisfied. Everything looks the same, the food, the arts and crafts booths are lacking a certain quality, the cover bands, the free plastic junk handed out to all the kids, and the overwhelming emphasis to CONSUME. My son kept asking me if we could buy this or that and I got a little tired of saying "no, No, NO!"

Peachy, Day 106

Our neighbor Anne planted a peach tree this year and today was the first harvest. Over the past several days Nicolai and I had been trying to defend the fruit from the greedy neighborhood vermin (aka squirrels) without any luck, so the peaches needed to be picked a bit early before they were gone. Nicolai and Anne are good buddies so she made sure to include him in the picking and I was there to document this momentous occasion.

Private as public, Day 105

It's strange to share my snapshots with an unknown audience. I keep wondering why people might even be interested in what I am writing and photographing daily. Is it selfish of me to put my friends and family on display? The answer is probably, but they aren't complaining much.

Past life, Day 104

When I was a kid I remember eating at a Chinese restaurant in Tahoe City, CA where I lived with my dad and brother. There was one potsticker left and I wrapped it up in my napkin to take home to eat later. Since that moment my dad has teased me that I must have been Vietnamese in a past life since I wrap up pieces of meat which he claims that I also store under my pillow for safe keeping. Why Vietnamese and under my pillow I never understood the reasoning, but the point being that I have always been obsessed with all Asian food and I can definitely connect with the idea of a past life experience. My favorite place to visit, which is a fairly new discovery, is the Pacific Ocean Marketplace located in Broomfield, CO. This shopping center caters to a large Vietnamese population with a massive Asian market and several Pho restaurants. I am happy to say that I have finally located a Vietnamese cultural center close to where I live and in my mind I fit right in.

Straight photography, Day 103

No explanation required.

Kiss kiss, 102

I recently saw a photograph of a lipstick kiss on a window and was immediately taken by it. I knew I wanted to use it as inspiration. Today seemed appropriate to play and experiment with the camera...construct instead of witness. It's always interesting to run with someone's idea because it can never be duplicated, not that I was trying to duplicate, but there is always that fear of "copying." I felt self-conscious about my process, nervous in a way. My final image looks nothing like the image that I saw. The only similarity is the residue on the glass, which in my image is one of several elements rather than the only subject. The image I created feels and looks like mine. I see an artistic style developing as I photograph for this project that I amazingly enough never paid much attention to before.

Finding a rhythm, Day 101

My process for choosing an image for the day is either lengthy or fairly straightforward depending on the number of images I have taken and if I already have an image in mind that I want to use. I usually narrow them down anywhere from 1 (rare) to 6 (often) images and start cropping to see what will work next to the previous day's image. I really love it when I find a rhythm or a pattern that is continuous over a few days and then eventually breaking that rhythm and finding a new one. My son and I have been finding our own rhythm since before the day he was born. This past week has been nice because much of the time I am working and Gerald is the primary parent. Usually I am having to constantly tell Nicolai- "After I am done working I can..." This week has been a wonderful exception since Gerald has been backpacking in Utah. I have put most of my work aside and devoted my attention to him. There have been fewer arguments, tantrums, and he has been a real helper around the house. We have had some fun times with only a few rough moments (as seen in the image). But rest assured, he was up and playing moments later. I am always amazed how kids can be laughing one minute and crying the next, then back to laughing in just a few heartbeats...If only I could find my own rhythm so easily.

One hundred+, Day 100

Yesterday I received a gift from my father. He sends me the most unusual presents, often originating from the Long Beach flea market. Yesterday's parcel was a long mailing tube and inside was a very old painting (120+ years) from Tibet. It is amazingly beautiful, detailed, and large (approximately 60" x 47"). There are many gold accents throughout the piece which he was told are real gold leaf. The backside has 4 red hand prints which he was also told are blessings from the priests. He purchased 6 of these paintings in total, all different, which he distributed throughout the family. The painting has a strong presence, one that is awe inspiring. Owning one of the six paintings emphasizes a new and different connection I have with the other owners, one that was enhanced by my father's generosity and thoughtfulness. I feel like I am the protector of this painting, that it doesn't really belong to me, but I am watching over it until it is passed on to someone else. I have never before felt like this about an object, and it makes me reflect on all the other things I "own"...that everything is temporarily on loan until it moves on or I do.

Guilty pleasure, Day 99

I have an obsession with food- photographing it and eating it. Both give me pleasure, but only one puts on the weight.

5 - 3 = 2, Day 98

I have shared a meal with my neighbors 3 times this week. We have this perfect little group of friends that I feel so lucky to know. Unfortunately one family is moving away at the end of next month, so neighbor time is really important right now. Tonight we shared pizza, vegetables from my garden, and white chocolate lemon basil bread from the farmer's market for dessert. Kat gave me a copy of a meal blessing that seems appropriate for today's post.

Earth, we thank you for this food,
For rest and home and all things good,
For wind and rain and sun above,
But most of all for those we love.

Thanks for a lovely evening Kat. I will miss you, Neva, and Stuart when you move!

Fresh, Day 97

We tend to travel quite a bit during the months of July and August and of course this happens to be the season when the garden is overflowing with vegetables. Nicolai and I spent a good amount of time this evening picking zucchini, cucumbers, green beans, green bell peppers, tomatoes, strawberries, and chilies. We can't possibly eat everything right now so the neighbors will hopefully help us out. It was also a reminder that I live an abundant life and that I have all the basics covered and more. For this I am thankful.

Happy feet, Day 96

My mom wrote me a wonderful email this morning about looking at the struggles we all share within ourselves and with others. The challenge is how to be more compassionate when I start to judge. I can be very defensive and reactive when I get angry or feel wronged by someone. She reminded me today that these are life lessons and life work! I know that when I am making art that I learn from my failed pieces or mistakes the most. It's easy for me to write about this since I am not in conflict with anyone, including myself, at the moment. But when it does arise I need to not take it so seriously, but acknowledge the experience as part of the learning to be human process. Then I know it will be time to get out the smiley face stickers.

The river's pace

I sat down last night and loaded all 600+ of my images onto my external hard drive, grouped them by day, then distilled them down like I usually do for this project. The writing part is difficult because I am no longer in the moment with the image itself. I have decided to do one written post to accompany the last 10 days of images and perhaps revisit a few over time. Although I photographed everyday, I had to work in a very different manner than I normally do. Usually I have the previous day's image in my mind's eye by reviewing the image throughout the day. Out of fear of running my camera battery down I decided to just shoot and then hope for the best. However, with this project in mind I probably shot more on our trip then I normally would and documented the experience in a slightly different manner. Visually it worked, but I prefer my other way of working with more intention behind the images and their connection with room for happy visual accidents to occur.

So here I am back at home in Lafayette trying to catch up on my life and settle back into the routine. My trip away was wonderful and much needed. No phone, Internet, and daily responsibilities. The only items on the agenda were to paddle down the Green River, eat and stay hydrated, liberally apply sunscreen, spend time together as a family, and find our next camp...oh, and of course marvel at the scenery along the way. We are very quiet when we are out in nature, although challenging with a 4 year old, so we can see the wildlife and not disturb other people (if only other boaters had the same agenda!). So my dominant thought on the river was about if I am quiet I will see so much more- beaver, deer, birds, etc. But this is a good practice in my daily life as well- when my mind is quiet I can see so much more clearly my own problems, their solutions, and enjoy my experiences on a deeper level. Time went by at the river's pace, slow and a lot of paddling, and I made every effort to just live in the moment.

As I chose the images from a period of 10 days I was reminded once again that a photograph is not reality. The photos I chose do not represent my experiences on my trip. They actually don't tell the story of my journey much at all. They are fragments of my experience which I am placing within the context of this project, creating a new story that exists on its own. A journey I am enjoying just as much.

Home, Day 95, (08.10.09)

Bear siting, Day 94, (08.09.09)

Listening, Day 93, (08.08.09)

Cheap motel, Day 92, (08.07.09)

Play, Day 91, (08.06.09)

Hiking, Day 90, (08.05.09)

Not the same river, Day 89, (08.04.09)

Not so itsy bitsy, Day 88, (08.03.09)

Under the stars, Day 87, (08.02.09)

Red rock, Day 86, (08.01.09)