Trick or Treat, Day 177

Happy Halloween!

Shedding, 176

All the wet gear is shed after playing out in the snow.

Retracing, Day 175

Today I had an unsettling experience. I was at work in my office and I left to go do something. So I walked down to the basement of the building, but when I got there I had absolutely no recollection as to why I went down there in the first place. It took me several minutes and retracing my steps to figure out what I had initially set out to do. It's not like I haven't experienced this before, most people I assume can probably relate, but it was the not knowing for several minutes that really shook me. My mom would call this "having a senior moment."

Heart, Day 174

This heart shape in the snow was outside my house today. I was walking around taking pictures and came across it. I have no idea how it formed but I am feeling very lucky for finding it today.

My precious

My computer died over a week ago and I finally got it back yesterday. It has been difficult for me to do my posts because of my lack of access to technology. With my computer fixed I can get back into my daily routine. It was a good lesson to learn about my reliance on technology and how much time this machine that I am now typing on really takes up. I lost a lot of information (thankfully nothing from this project) but it was freeing in a way. I recently watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and I can relate the experience of losing my computer to Frodo Baggins finally relinquishing the ring. It was both a gift and a curse at the same time.

Blinded, Day 173

Tonight I drove home in a snow storm. It was extremely difficult to see more than a few feet in front of my car because of the way the snow was falling. It felt like I was driving in this endless blizzard. I took comfort seeing the tail lights in front of me leading the way. Although not the safest idea, I couldn't help but try to visually capture the experience.

Night, Day 172

There are parts of me that misses shooting film, like the element of surprise when a roll has just been developed. But I have found with digital that I am much more playful when I shoot because the results are immediate. Tonight I practiced walking and shooting at the same time.

Sunday, Day 171

Sunday night is usually the time I prepare for the busy week ahead. My mom and step-dad had been visiting over the weekend to help celebrate Nicolai's 5th birthday, so there was a lot to do around the house after they left. I usually have the job of folding all the laundry. There were four clean loads waiting on the bed to be folded. I started, but then I thought about doing my image for the day and decided to play in it instead...it never got folded, but I managed to make a photo. I am sure by the following Sunday it will be waiting for me again.

Birthday party, Day 170

What to do with 7 kids at a birthday party? Let them play in the leaves. When that got boring we tie dyed t-shirts.

My mom, Day 169

My mom can be playful, joyous, and she is not afraid to act silly. She and Nicolai had a leaf fight in the backyard and their laughter was contagious.

Family meal, Day 168

We went out to diner to celebrate my son's birthday. He always gets to choose the restaurant. The first year we went to sushi. Last year we went to Ethiopian and again this year. He says it is his favorite food, but I think it is the novelty of eating with his hands that really excites him.

I remember..., Day 167

I remember being in an altered state for hours and hours not really aware or concerned as to what was going on around me, but being extremely focused on what was going on inside. I remember when you slid from my body and you were placed in my arms and we gazed upon each other for the first time. I remember that I knew you were a boy as soon as I saw your face. I remember when I felt completely overwhelmed by love and really understood what it is. I remember the many sleepless nights and the agony I felt at times. I remember snuggling with your small delicate body and watching you sleep. I remember when you crawled for the first time and feeling depressed that I couldn't put you down and have you stay in one place. I remember your first word. I remember five years ago like it was yesterday.

Yellow, Day 166

The landscape is in a transitional phase where the leaves are brilliant shades of yellow, orange and red  and they blanket everything in these brilliant hues. I am dreading the winter time to come when there is an absence of color and everything is stark, cold, and gray. This is the time when I stay indoors and settle down to the winter routine and dream about spring.

A new day, Day 165

I was treated to the most spectacular sunrise in Denver this morning while riding the Lightrail to work. I was amazed that the people sitting around me on the train were too busy texting, sleeping, or listening to their ipods to notice the sky in all its glory. I felt totally blessed by witnessing these fleeting moments and somehow I managed to hold on to this sense of peace as the day progressed. Once I got to work the harddrive on my laptop crashed. Then I discovered that the film developer was contaminated and ruined many rolls of my students' film. But I still managed to hold onto my serenity with this sunrise on my mind. The day gradually progressed and I fixed the chemical issues, extended the assignment, and came to terms that my harddrive is indeed dead and gone. It was my own fault that the grant I worked on for many many hours is lost forever...but honestly it's ok. The day could have been much worse by stressing out instead of just letting it all go.

Setting the stage, Day 164

Nicolai insisted that he help mop the floors today and I was glad to have his help. I think it is only a matter of time when the novelty of pushing water around on the floor will wear off.

Saturday morning, Day 163

I don't think I would ever want to live in a place, such as a sub-division, where there was nothing within walking distance. Our little town of Lafayette offers so much which makes it a wonderful place to live. Today we walked to Nicolai's music class.

Hanging around, Day 162

Hanging with the leaves and loving every minute, Nicolai learns how to rappel to the ground safely.

Back to school night, Day 161

Tonight I was Nicolai's special guest for his back to school night. This is his last year of school and then he will be home schooled full time starting in June. Although there is part of me that likes elements of formal education I can already see a huge difference in how Nicolai relates to and understands his world in the time we have spent encouraging his interests and I don't want this to be destroyed by the school system.

Rim lighting, Day 160

This was the third day in a row that I photographed the sun back lighting the leaves in my dining room and finally I was able to work it in as an image for the day.

Every now and then, Day 159

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
My ears are still ringing.

Controlling it, Day 158

My student in the image is assisting with a lighting demonstration. I am supposed to be helping her hold this diffusion cloth, but I was too mesmerized by the light filtering through to be of any use.

Light drawing, Day 157

Earlier in the week I assigned a project to my beginning photo students to photograph light. The subject that the light is falling on is incidental. They have to shoot natural light inside and outside, and artificial light inside and outside. It has been overcast for the past several days so the light in my house has been quite dull. We have large windows in our dining room where the late afternoon sun usually makes this room come alive in the winter time. It's one of my favorite rooms to inhabit this time of year for this very reason and a common site for me to photograph. Today the sun finally showed itself, transforming the dead flowers I have been too lazy to throw in the compost. I was dazzled by the light entering my lens and I was reaffirmed that I gave my students the right assignment this week.

Fortune-ate, Day 156

These words are especially true if you are an artist. Making art is not cheap. Most people are aware of the stereotype of the "starving artist." We never think about the "starving lawyer." There is no real support system for artists in this country and for this reason many (including myself) choose a life in academia. It seems to validate the role of the artist in some odd way. When I first went to college I thought I wanted to be a nurse midwife. Life sure would be different if I had.

Neighbors, Day 155

We get together with our neighbors quite frequently to share meals. Anna and Brian who live next door to us have chickens and this evening. They just started producing eggs, so one of the first eggs was shared this evening. I don't eat hard boiled eggs, but I appreciated the gesture.

First snow, Day 154

As the first flakes drift from the sky my world quietly settles down and life readjusts itself. Its pace is forced to a shuffle as the wet caresses my cold cheeks and tongue reminding me to look at my surroundings while this transformation is taking place. But this transformation is not just outside of myself, it seeps into my bones making me shiver and quake from excitement waiting for a glimpse of the landscape blanketed under a monochromatic palette.

Unnatural, Day 153

The creepy stairwell in the art department at the University of Denver...transformed by the way I have chosen to edit everything else out of the frame and now not so creepy. This is the beauty of photography.

Evening, Day 152

Finding the way, Day 151

I am sitting at my computer at a loss for words to accompany today's image. I have found this to be true for the last few weeks or so. It's not that I don't want to write it's just that I really have no clue as to what to say. My mind has been elsewhere and it has shown in my images and in my entries. Today I went back to slinging my camera over my shoulder and taking it with me EVERYWHERE- even while I was teaching. I almost always have it with me, but lately it hasn't always been easily accessible. I photographed the darkroom sink, empty plastic film reels, the view outside the train, Gerald and Nico taking a walk, my neighborhood, and the fallen leaves on the ground. Although I really haven't strayed far, it has been good for me to get back to my basic principals for this project (and I ended up writing about something too).

Struggle, Day 150

These past few week I have been feeling like I am having a tough time holding it all together. And to be honest I am not sure that I am doing the best job. I am struggling with my jobs, being an artist, a mother, a friend, and a spouse. Once school began in August my world changed drastically and I haven't adjusted yet. I can barely keep up with it all and this makes me feel frozen at times. I keep waiting for life to slow down, but it doesn't. If it did, would I feel bored? Or perhaps I wouldn't have anything to complain about...

Barren, Day 149

As I approach 40 I have been feeling this very strong urge to have a second child. It is the fear of possible regret that gets to me. I have never felt it so strongly before. Then I think about what having a second child really means and it brings me back to reality.

I see the moon, Day 148

The moon is close to full tonight. It is a brilliant shining orb in the night sky. My image doesn't do it justice.

Thirsty, Day 147

I unexpectedly had dinner with friends last night after running into them at a grant coaching session. We spoke of our art, teaching and and life in between. I am in a transitional place in my career as an artist/educator so it was nice to speak with someone who is absolutely passionate about what he does. I am feeling thirsty for a change to everything that I have been doing and my approach to doing it. The glass in front of me is full, I just need to take a drink.