Over ripe, Day 146

Tonight the temperatures are supposed to drop to 38 degrees. The garden is on its last legs and I fear much of what we still have will not make it much longer. I savored the tomatoes at dinner tonight thinking that it will be some time before I eat a tomato that really tastes like a tomato.

This old house, Day 145

Part of living in an old house is the mouse problem- they just seem to get in- especially this time of year when the weather is cold at night and they are seeking a warm place. We used to catch them in live traps, then drive them a mile away and set them free. One October evening while I was pregnant with my son (close to 5 years ago) we came home from dinner at a friend's house to find a mouse in the live trap. It also happened that I started having contractions in the car on the way home. Knowing it was going to be a long night, which ended up turning into a long few days, we set the little mouse free. I think that was the last live trap that we used. I was done with being nice to mice.

Treasure, Day 144

Some days this project feels like I am on a visual treasure hunt. Those are the fun days when I get really into photographing. Today was one of those days for me. I am fascinated by stains on concrete and strange random text taken out of context. What a visual find today!

A miracle, Day 143

We managed to drive through New Mexico unscathed, but the bugs on our windshield were not as lucky. But about 15 minutes from our home in Colorado we wound up in the middle of a car accident...also unscathed. While we were stopped at a traffic light a drunk driver hit the car behind us but instead of that car hitting us, the driver managed to swerve his vehicle around us, bump off the curb, and smash into the car directly in front of us. It was very surreal being in the middle of it all and able to drive away without a scratch.

Power lines, Day 142

The beautiful Virgin of Guadalupe reins over the city of Santa Fe, NM. She is a powerful sight/site for all to see. She put me under her magic spell while I was visiting.

Someone else's horse, Day 141

Looking at art in Santa Fe is like looking at art anywhere-some good and some bad, however, a southwest theme seems to dominate. Today's image was no exception.

Are we there yet?, Day 140

Nicolai had a tough time in the car today during our 6 hour car ride to Taos, New Mexico. It was a constant stream of "Are we there yet?" mixed with "I need to go pee!" pretty much the entire time...but we made it!

The fridge, Day 139

The outside of our fridge seems to be constantly accumulating crap. We look at the outside everyday, but we never really see it. It's like a big magnet for scraps of paper, odd photos, kid magnets, found objects, postcards, and shopping lists.

Everywhere, Day 138

We have little kid things seeping through the crevices along with the soap scum in the shower.

Bathroom fixtures, Day 137

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Love, Day 136

I sometimes wonder how many hours I have spent over the past five years watching my son sleep. As a newborn, babies sleep much of the time. Although I should have probably been resting too, I was in complete awe of the little guy lying next to me so it was difficult to not watch over him and contemplate the orgins of his life. The day Nicolai was born I really understood the meaning of love. How did I end up with this marvelous little person in my life? Parenting is such a mixed blessing- the most wonderfully challenging thing I have ever done (and continue to do). Although Nicolai is almost five years old with much more of a formed personality I still have these same thoughts running through my head as I did when he was just a few days old. This morning I watched him sleep and smiled to myself.

Abracadabra, Day 135

I am bearing witness to the garden as life transforms itself into something else. The leaves are changing color and the flowers are dying. But just as quickly as the color disappears and replaces itself with brown I am confident it will reappear in the spring like magic.

Mayhem, Day 134

This is what happens when three 4 year old boys, one 2 year old girl, and two 39+ moms get together for a play date/breakfast.

Sticks and Stones, Day 133

Nicolai is a serious stick and stone collector. Here is one of his projects making "weapons" on our front porch. There are constant battles occurring around the house and in the yard. I think it is a little boy thing because he doesn't get to see many movies or cartoons that kids his age are watching. I believe it's just in his genes. I don't completely understand it, but I also don't always discourage him. He is fascinated by primitive people and tools and I see this play as part of his way of getting in touch with his primitive self. I just don't want him to go off and fight an actual war when he grows up. How to channel his fascination with death and fighting is the real question?

Sunrise, Day 132

On Mondays and Wednesdays I am up at 5, on the bus by 6, then onto Lightrail by 6:47 a.m.. One benefit to getting up so early is seeing the landscape transform itself as the sun rises.

The ride, Day 131

Now that I am back to work full time I have days where I am finding it difficult to photograph. Tonight Nicolai and I went out for a walk/ride and I decided to play with the camera. It was a nice way to spend some time together after another long day.

Untitled, Day 130

Denver commute...not so bad. Beautiful light in the morning. I am not used to being in the city- it's refreshing to see all the different personalities and ethnic groups. I met a blind man on the bus who told me he didn't have any friends. I have been in the Boulder "bubble" way too long.

Dinner, Day 129

Sunday dinner with friends and getting ready for a busy week.

Warming up, Day 128

Today was the first day where it felt like fall. It was cold and rainy and I didn't go out much. I did the dishes just to warm up a bit. I am not looking forward to the cold weather.

Ghost Town, Day 127

I am concerned about the little town I live in. Businesses are closing- small businesses AND large chain stores alike. One family that we are close to is moving away because there is no work here and their unemployment checks will be ending soon. My other neighbors just closed their cleaning business because they lost their major clients. Although Lafayette is still a wonderful place to live, I wonder how another year with this frightful economy will be change the feel of our little town.

A letter to myself, Day 126

Dear Mia,

It has been a long time since our last correspondence. Life has been busy, it usually is, but for some reason I always think it is going to be different. So here I am finally sitting down to write you an actual letter. I am excited to catch up and tell you what I have been doing with myself. There are many projects in the works, most of them are still in my head, but one in particular that I wish to share with you is materializing day-by-day.

Before I tell you about my project I want to get you up to speed. I turned 39 in May! I keep wondering where all that time went? Before the age change actually occurred I had the feeling that I was being forced onto the edge of a really big cliff and I was hoping that I could keep my balance, which I did- I am still here! Before my birthday I often had the thought that I was never really living in the present moment, always looking to the past and the future in my head as the moments ticked by. I decided to try and change my thought process, to slow down time and focus on the present. This intentional act has led me to a yearlong image-a-day photo project currently under the working title of 39+, which I began on my birthday this year.

So I know what you are thinking…many photographers have already done yearlong photo projects; it’s not a new idea. I guess my response is- I have never photographed something everyday, so it is new to me and that is what is most important. Since my artwork tends to be the last thing accomplished on the agenda, I wanted something that I could work on a little bit everyday. My project goes beyond capturing just one image a day. I decide to make it more challenging for myself by having to visually or conceptually link the image to the previous day’s image. I see this visual connection as a metaphor for life itself- a build up of experiences shaping who I am. At first I thought the project would be about approaching the age of 40, which thankfully has become somewhat irrelevant. For me it is about being conscious and seeing, literally seeing, the present moment and bearing witness to it in the form of a potential photograph. Sometimes I am able to document this with my camera and sometimes I am not. However, it doesn’t matter either way. The photograph pays tribute to some moments, but then I am on to the next. One of my students recently asked me if I ever plan ahead. But when I am truly living in the moment the future is like background noise. I know it is approaching, but I won’t know it until I experience it for what IT is. So my answer was NO, I cannot and do not plan.

What I am learning about photography is exciting to me. My perfectionist self is letting go of the idea that not all images need to be great works of art, be thought provoking, or even that interesting to anyone but myself. I consider the images I capture on a daily basis as my snapshots- haphazard, awkward, yet beautiful at the same time. I take many terrible photographs, but the ones I do find successful would never have happened if I weren’t working everyday. The image I choose for “the day” has to have some kind of connection and I think that is what I really want out of life, and this is perhaps what most people are searching for as well. This project has slowed me down and I am seeing beauty in things I would never have stopped to look at before.

Although the future is uncertain, I am excited where the project is leading me, whom I am communicating with, and how it has changed my art making practice. Once again it is a wonderful reminder that the journey is truly the destination.

With loving kindness,

Mia

Appreciation, Day 125

Today will never be like any other day on 09/09/09. But this goes for yesterday, and the day before that, and so on. Everything is in constant flux-moving, changing, shifting. It's just that some days are similar to others, or change moves at a slow rate so we are unaware. Because of this I need to remind myself to appreciate what I have in the moment, for today will never be like any other day.

Opportunities, Day 124

Some photos I did not take today but wish I had:
- A girl on the bus wearing socks with stitching on them that said "Tengo Jesus en mi corazon."
-A man skateboarding on the street and eating a popsicle at the same time.
-My son playing in the backyard.
-The sun setting behind the mountains.
-My cup of chai tea that is becoming a daily ritual.

What I did photograph:
-The path in the backyard leading to my studio.
-The shadow of our fence on the small rocks lining the garden path.
-The logo on top of our ice cream maker.
-My reflection in the car window.
-My students at dinner with this week's visiting artist Hank Willis Thomas.

I scream you scream, Day 123

We have a tradition of having friends over at least once a year to make ice cream. We usually make vanilla, but this year I decided to be adventurous so we made Mexican chocolate. It was delicious! The evening was perfect with a wonderful group of neighbors enjoying the rich chocolaty goodness together.

Neighbors, Day 122

Even a fence can't keep these two apart.

Present past, Day 121

I started skimming through a book today that I read many years ago. It's called "Why People Photograph" by Robert Adams. On the first page he quotes Jean-Luc Goddard in reference to one of his films about modernity- "the future is more present than the present." In contemplating this quote with regards to photography I want to modify it and say "the past is more present than the present." This becomes particularly true when viewing snapshots where we are visually taken back to a particular experience. But do we ever really remember the experience, or does the photograph itself represent involuntary memory? Will I come to remember these photoraphs that I am taking to document the year as actual events or will they simply represent the project and the supporting memories will cease to exist? I am on my own quest as to why I photograph and at this point I am coming up with more questions than answers. Perhaps it will become clear in another 244 days.

Friendship, Day 120

I had a date with my one of my best friends today. Cori and I went to a late afternoon movie and then to sushi. It was a really fun evening, one that I didn't want to end. Cori and I both leed busy lives so we don't see each other as much as we would like. But it was a wonderful reminder that delicious meals that involve conversations with good friends are extremely important. And fortunately we have shared many.

The last sparkler, Day 119

It won't be long now before it will be too cold to comfortably be outside in the evening without many layers of clothing. After dinner we sat in the backyard drinking tea and hanging out as a family after a long week of work. Nicolai and Gerald lit the last sparkler left over from the 4th of July. I am missing summer already.

End of the season, Day 118

I started thinking that the image I select each day acts like a swatch or a sample from the day. It gives me (you) an idea of what happened during the day but it really doesn't give an accurate account- more like a taste. It's like taking a bite off of someone else's plate and perhaps being satisfied with what you ordered or longing for what they have. I guess what I am starting to realize is that I am offering up bites from my plate.

Body time, Day 117

It's fascinating and scary to photograph skin using a macro setting on a camera. I see things that I don't necessarily want to see, but I also think it is good for me to acknowledge that my body is changing over time. There are more freckles, discolorations, lines, and hairs in odd places but we all have to go through it; it's just part of the process. I have my moments where I am really okay with it, but I don't always have to like it.